They say falling in love is easy, but staying in love takes work. Anyone who has begrudgingly picked their partner’s dirty socks up off the floor knows this. But the work can also be fun.
According to an article in Psychology Today titled “3 Habits That Keep Love Alive,” couples are happier when they’re intentional about putting effort into their relationship. That could mean planning date nights, leaving love notes around the house or simply cooking together and enjoying a meal without screens.
Here NOCO couples share the creative ways they keep their relationships strong.
Drawing from a date jar
Megan Patterson and her husband, Michael, have a movie jar they pull from when they aren’t sure what to watch. They started by writing the names of 12 movies they each wanted to see on little slips of paper. Whenever they draw one, they add another.
They love the idea so much they decided to do the same with their dates. The Longmont couple has done everything from picnics and bike rides to ice skating and sporting events.
“We added some paid ones, free ones and seasonal ones,” Patterson says. “Near the end, we got very abstract and weird with it.”
The more unusual dates tend to stand out the most, she says.
“One especially memorable date was when we made three different art pieces of our dog, Pepper,” Patterson says. “We made a cocktail and set out a bunch of art supplies and just got inspired by her.”
Patterson painted her dog’s face on a pot that held a mint plant on their kitchen windowsill. She named it Peppermint. It’s a silly reminder of the good times they had that night.
“After almost nine years together, it’s easy and comfortable to sink into a routine,” she says. “[The jar] is a really delightful way to force us into novel experiences together.”
Listening to vinyl records
Amber Smith bought a cheap record player during the COVID-19 pandemic and started listening to records at night with her boyfriend, Dustin. It quickly became one of their favorite ways to spend time together.
He gave her an upgraded player and sound system on their first Christmas, which they’d play on the many nights they’d spend at their Loveland home with a board game and a glass of whiskey.
After having a baby, it became harder for them to find time for those special evenings. So they started a ritual: Every month they’d take turns buying a new record. When one person brings home an album, they schedule a night to listen to it without any distractions—no TV, no phones, no baby—and enjoy each other’s company.
“When it’s our turn, there are no rules,” Smith says. “We could pick something the other likes or hates, but we sit there and enjoy—or try to enjoy it.”
Over the last five years, their collection has grown to include artists like Sublime, Jack Johnson, The Lumineers and Alabama.
“We used to be concert-going youths, and it brings a little bit of that specific song/band nostalgia back into our life that we can share with each other,” Smith says. “It sometimes rolls from the new record to a few more as the night goes on.”
Being a kid again
When “adulting” feels like a bit much, Nicole and Evan Anderson find comfort and connection in reliving parts of their childhood. The Windsor couple loves building blanket forts and sharing the snacks and drinks they liked as kids while watching cartoons.
“We do the Kool-Aid Jammers, Capri Suns, Oreos, Animal Crackers, Gushers and Fruit by the Foot…all the nasty ’90s foods,” Nicole says.
Their go-to shows are “Looney Tunes” and Hanna-Barbera cartoons as well as Evan’s childhood favorites: “Johnny Bravo,” “Dexter’s Laboratory” and others from Cartoon Network. The times they get to watch them are especially meaningful given that they’re usually busy being parents to a toddler.
Nicole is half Japanese and loves introducing Evan to the snacks she grew up with. They’ve shared Ramune sodas, rice crackers and other Asian goodies from places like Daiso and H Mart. They’ve also tried plenty of foods that are new to both of them. The experience brings them closer, even after spending nearly 15 years together.
“We get to find out things about each other and try new things that maybe we wouldn’t try separately,” Nicole says. “It’s a really unique shared experience that we get to have.”
Laughing together
Diana Rogers Jaeger and her husband, Kevin, began believing in the power of laughter after seeing a comedy show in their 20s at the Loony Bin in Oklahoma City.
“We thought we’d try it out, and it was one of the best date nights,” Rogers Jaeger says. “We had a two-person table near the front and drank a fish bowl.”
Now the two have been together for 24 years and see three or four comedy shows every year. They’ve seen big names like Dave Chappelle, Aziz Ansari and Jerry Seinfeld and have watched “Saturday Night Live” writers do improv at Harrah’s in Las Vegas. When they’re at home in Fort Collins, they watch comedy specials on Netflix and frequent The Comedy Fort. They also love going to shows at Comedy Works in Denver.
Whether they’re on their couch or at the comedy club, laughing together is something they cherish.
“When something is really funny, you turn to the other person and make eye contact,” Rogers Jaeger says. “It’s a shared moment.”
Expressing gratitude
For the first couple decades of their 40-year marriage, Rahchayl Rain and her husband, David, kept a daily appreciation journal under their pillows. Sometimes they’d write small things, like “I appreciate you always helping me make the bed,” but often there were bigger things, like “I appreciate that we’re able to talk about things that are hard.”
“I grew up with a lot of yelling, and [the journal] helped me figure out other ways of communicating,” says Rain, who lives in Fort Collins. “That became one of our major rules: No yelling.”
Eventually they stopped writing in the journal because they felt like it had given them the tools to communicate clearly, even if some talks were hard. Still, they like the idea because it kept them connected.
“If you can imagine that every day you got a little note on your pillow that told you how much you’re appreciated because you get up and go to work every day, or because you’re a supportive partner or a good listener, all of those things feed you,” Rain says. “Part of it is just not taking each other for granted.”
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Other Ideas We Love
“One of the ways we intentionally stay connected is through something simple but meaningful: playing Minecraft together. My husband, our oldest son and I share a survival world that we work on whenever we have time. We’ve created community spaces, a romantic river walk and long-term plans for our digital world. It feels symbolic: We’re building something together both in real life and in this blocky little universe.”
—Sophina Hanes, Fort Collins
“We trade off anniversary and Valentine’s Day planning. This way we both get spoiled and there’s never any guesswork to it. We’ve gone to fancy dinners, done mini golfing…one year was a movie in a completely empty movie theater and it was the best night. I love seeing him excited for what we do when I plan, and I love knowing that his year he will do everything he can for me.”
—Anna Brass, Greeley
“Standing date: every Wednesday, beer and bingo at Gilded Goat. No matter how annoyed I may be with him that day, we still do that weekly date. We have been doing it since summer 2021.”
—Mary Anne O’Hare, Fort Collins
“Dancing. Whether it’s taking dance lessons or dancing in our kitchen before bedtime, it’s such an amazing way to slow down and connect. Through dancing we get to connect (more than just physically), tune in to each other and be silly together if we want to. I love the leading and following aspect of it, which applies to other areas of life as well.”
—Anonymous
