Not every holiday gathering has the makings of a Hallmark movie, but you can try to make it not feel like “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.”
We gathered some tips from local experts—including residents who consider their family gatherings the highlight of the year—on how to host loved ones for the holidays with the kind of hospitality that even the Grinch would appreciate.
The accommodations
Welcome guests into your home, or make other arrangements
During the holidays, Dayna Schwartz offers up space in her Fort Collins home or her mother’s home in Greeley. Her family’s holiday gatherings involve at least two dozen people (they have 25 immediate family members), a number that grows with in-laws and when grandchildren are born. Schwartz’s son, who is one of four children, stays with her when he visits from Atlanta because the holidays are a good time for them to catch up.
“We all kind of open up our homes,” Schwartz says, “and let them decide [where they want to stay].”
She knows as well as anyone that a house can feel cramped when people come to stay. If you don’t have spare bedrooms for everyone, you can offer air mattresses or help your guests find places to stay, such as large Airbnbs, bed and breakfasts and hotels that might offer discounts if they book rooms together.
Give houseguests their own bathroom
If you don’t have a bathroom for each family staying in your home, devote a clean bathroom for only houseguests to use, says Marie Hornback, who lives in rural Greeley and owns H.M.S. Protocol and Etiquette Training, a business offering seminars on social skills, dining etiquette and manners.
Put out clean towels, stock extra toilet paper and make sure there’s soap in the shower and unused toothpaste in the drawer. If you can, lock the bathroom during larger gatherings so your guests don’t feel the need to pack up their toiletries.
The meals
Make it clear “the meals are here”
Supply three meals a day and plenty of snacks for your guests, Hornback says. Make it clear that even guests staying elsewhere are welcome to eat at your house.
Prepare meals ahead of time
Many veteran hosts suggest preparing meals in advance that you can freeze and reheat. Schwartz will do this with baked goods for breakfast, such as sweet rolls, and prepare other ingredients in the days leading up to the festivities. She teaches at an elementary school in Greeley and gets a few days off before the holidays, so she uses that time to her advantage.
“I also try to prepare a variety of snacks so they’re available,” she says. “Whatever I can get done ahead of time, I do it. It helps me enjoy the time together.”
Plan around dietary restrictions
If some dinner guests need an alternative to what you’re hoping to fix, Hornback recommends using another ingredient, providing a different dish for them or allowing them to bring something for themselves.
“You have to tell them that you won’t be offended in any way if they want to bring something,” she says.
Ask others to pitch in
This means you won’t have to spend all your time in the kitchen. Hornback finds that most guests prefer to help with meals anyway.
“People love to feel like they aren’t freeloading off you,” she says.
Hornback’s family has a night when the grandchildren make a meal for the holidays. This helps them feel like they’re making a meaningful contribution.
Potlucks are another way for family to add to the fixings, Schwartz says. Her family handles dessert that way.
“Everyone makes their own special cookies,” Schwartz says. “My niece calls it the ‘dessert buffet.’”
Cole Huling, who frequently gets family together at her Laporte home, combines potlucks and storytelling by having family members tell a tale about the dish they bring. One year, she brought a caesar salad because it was the dish’s 100th anniversary. Another couple brought an apple pie their grandmother used to make.
“It’s a good way to get to know each other,” Huling says, “especially if you’re blending family for the first time.”
Have a self-serve bar
A drink bar with juice, coffee, beer, wine and soda is what Taylor Strope calls a “welcoming element.” She regularly hosts family gatherings with dozens of people and says she learned everything from her mother, an expert hostess.
“You can have an adult version and a kids’ version,” says Strope, who owns Mountainside Events, a wedding and event planning company based in Fort Collins. “The bar and a few light bites while they are arriving make them feel at home.”
The fun
Keep traditions alive
Huling’s family loves an enchilada potluck on Christmas Eve.
“I have no idea how that started,” she says, which is how a lot of families describe their kookier traditions. “We encourage people to bring their different takes on enchiladas.”
Traditions are a fun way for everyone to bond, and they’re something people look forward to, even if they’re a little weird. Huling describes another one the day after Christmas: A brunch where guests wear muumuus and drink mimosas. Actually, that wasn’t a tradition, just something they did last year. But it should be.
Plan daytime activities for your guests
Strope suggests activities such as brewery tours, races (turkey trot, anyone?) and looking at Christmas lights around the neighborhood. She likes to vary them so there’s something for everyone, and she makes it clear that not everyone has to participate. You can also plan more than one activity at the same time so that your guests have a choice of how to spend their time.
Keep guests entertained at night
Try hosting a movie night or game night at your house. The idea is to provide simple ways to have fun for a couple of hours and keep the energy up in the evening.
You don’t have to feel pressure to plan several big nights out to see performances like The Nutcracker, though one big outing is always fun, says Laurie Klith, executive director of the Center for Family Outreach, a nonprofit based in Fort Collins that helps families struggling with conflict resolution, substance abuse and anger management.
“Some of my families play Bingo,” Kilth says. “Those are the kinds of things that connect family more than anything.”
Assign seats, then switch them up
Many times families separate the kids from the main table. Hornback suggests seating everyone together, and if there isn’t room, switching spots every half hour during a meal.
“They hear stories, and this helps solidify their roots,” she says. “Sometimes it’s fun to play musical chairs anyway.”
The family
Don’t burn yourself out
It’s OK to go for a run or walk, sneak away for a coffee or go shopping with your favorite family member. Hosting is hard, and you’ll be much more patient with your guests if you’re not exhausted.
“Be mindful of your stress, and keep yourself healthy,” Klith says. “Make sure you concentrate on the bonds you have with family and not the commercialism and big family meals. Don’t put more stress on yourself than you have to.”
Avoid volatile discussions
Huling sets ground rules, but the simplest one can be the one hardest to enforce: Everyone play nice. Hornbeck says the two topics that tend to trigger others are religion and politics.
“There has to be an agreement ahead of time that jobs, trips, family updates and other topics are OK, but the trigger points are not worth discussion,” Hornback says. “Kids don’t want to hear a lot of grown-ups arguing.”
Doing all that work just to argue doesn’t make much sense to Klith anyway.
“You need to remember why you’re gathering,” she says. “It’s so everyone can have a good time.”
